(originally posted August, 2006)
I was just having an enjoyable conversation with our firm’s receptionist. She was in my corridor waiting for the secretary two bays over so they could go to lunch, and stopped by my bay to show me her new hair color. It was fierce… it’s a dark, honey-ish blonde full of high and lowlights. We had our usual banter, trading diva compliments, and I told her how pretty I thought she looked (Felicia is GORGEOUS). Once Pam was ready they went on their way.
It has to be said here that I work in an office where there are several extremely attractive women. They range in size, shape, height and proportion, but let me tell you that they are DIVAS, every one. Mean shoe games… stylish wardrobes, etc. etc, weekly hairdos. And you know something else: I don’t feel like I really fit into all that. I own fewer than 30 pairs of shoes and only wear three or four pair regularly. Half the time I don’t wear makeup anymore (even though my makeup case could stand in for a pro’s – whyyabullshittin). I’m not trendy and I haven’t been sewing so my wardrobe isn’t what it should be.
Okay… so let me finally find my way to the point instead of meandering around like a jew in the desert. Even though *I* may not feel that I’m up to Diva standard, the other girls in my office do (or at least that’s what they say to my face… goodness only knows what they say about me behind my back, but I digress). In spite of all that I said in the previous paragraph, I’m a member of the “Diva” club. I have to admit, I like getting the compliments from other women, and my convo with Felicia started me to thinking…
What is about women that makes us more prone to tear each other APART rather than try to lift each other up? Why do so many women have such great difficulty either paying a compliment to, or accepting a compliment from, another woman? (That last one REALLY blows me)
Example, I saw a woman of Southern Asian/Pacific Islander lineage running on my street when I got home the other night and she had this gorgeous hair – and I told her that I thought so. She turned and said thanks… but she looked at me like I’d tried to tongue kiss her and I was wondering what she was thinking about… was she thinking I was trying to hit on her, or did she think I was just weird?
Is it that the “competition” out here is so fierce that we girls just don’t stick together anymore? I don’t think like most women. I don’t feel like I have to compete for some mythical prize and therefore issuing a compliment to another female is something I have LESS than no problem doing.
Too many of us spend too many time mad at somebody else because of what WE ain’t got. Whether it be the man, the house, the salary, the clothes, the shoes, the hairdo. Well… guess what: All y’all chicks put your socks on one at a time just like me. Just because yours are Roca Wear and mine are from Target doesn’t make you any better than me. We all got problems. Some of those men aren’t worth the skin that holds their scrotum. Some of those houses are five days out of foreclosure and the car payment is due and folk don’t know where the money is coming from.
I guess I consider myself lucky that I don’t have to deal with a whole bunch of bullshit, but that comes from picking one’s true friends VERY carefully and not dealing with folks towing around their own weight in mental and emotional baggage.
Trust it, Miss Thing… if I see you out there, looking good and representing (as long as you aren’t acting like you have a two by four firmly wedged in your ass) understand that I will tap you on the shoulder and let you know. *head nod* Keep shinin’, girl.
(but remember to pay it forward and tell some other sister girl! You might be the bright spot in an otherwise gray day.)
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