There Are No Victims... Only Volunteers

(originally posted via y360 - July, 2006)

Over the last few months I’ve been doing a great deal of reflecting about the state of my life and how things came to be this way. It was not until I’d found myself in a white hot rage, arguing on the phone with someone I’d been involved with over how badly he’d dogged me, when he suddenly slapped me in the face with the truth:

“YOU KNEW EXACTLY WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHILE YOU WERE DOING IT.”

Maaaaaann… when I tell you I was pissed beyond pisstivity, that doesn’t even begin to describe it. I quickly got off the phone – seconds short of hanging up in his face, because I began to feel the sting of salty tears welling up in my eyes. I cried not because my feelings were hurt.

I cried because he was RIGHT.

He never lied to me about what was happening (which is more than I can say about some other folks but that’s neither here nor there). We did what we did in the dark, both without shame and full of regret at the same time… but wait – this isn’t all about me.

I write this because I know there are a number of people with whom I interact who are suffering. I’m here to tell you (and you know who you are) that your suffering is YOUR fault. I ask, aren’t you TIRED of dragging around that cross and those nails? Tired of bleeding and crying? I know I am! (and whyyabullshittin I’m tired of hearing other folks bitching!)

Just like my issues with a certain someone, and two other folks. I’m where I am because I had SO much drama going on around me I chose what seemed to be the least of the evils, but have since learned that I’ve been paying the price with my SOUL. There are people that all of us know who seemingly exist merely to float between one bullshit item and the next. I was that person a number of years ago. I thrived on the drama that was going on around me because the truth of the matter was that I was too much of a coward to conquer my own demons. It was too easy to look at and find entertainment in other people’s.

You see, I’m real big on self-responsibility these days. I believe if you have a problem with EVERYbody, the problem ain’t everybody – it’s YOUR STANKIN’ ASS. There’s only one way to correct that problem, and that’s to remove yourself from the drama. I had to treat my life like I was suffering from an allergy epidemic. I changed my phone number, I changed my cell number and I reintroduced people to my life slowly, and when I realized who the extraneous problem children were, I adopted a “keep it movin’, nothin’ to see here" mentality where those folks were concerned.

I further iterate that what other people say and think about you is none of your business and the minute you stop worrying about it is the minute your life begins to change for the better!

I say all this to say that there is FAR too much needless suffering going on and I beseech you to STOP THE MADNESS! S/he don’t want you? S/he lied to you (or you just ignored the handwriting on the wall, cause uhmm... we DO that shit in spite of the truth staring us in the face but STILL I digress)? Cool – find your own way: pray to whatever Deity you serve, get a hobby or a pet, rent a movie, eat a gallon of ice cream but stop worrying/thinking/talking/carrying on over their ass! S/he’s running her mouth about you? Refuse to listen and/or engage in the bullshit, chalk the interaction up in the “L” column and float the fuck on! Stop beating yourself up because you gave it your all. Nothing worth having comes without a risk and sometimes there is no reward. That is LIFE, baby. Like it or LUMP it, but in terms of wallowing, chest-beating and teeth-gnashing about a situation you knew was bad on a collision course for worse from the jump – y’all can miss me with that bullshit. I will be the first one to tell you that I’m just as guilty as the next one, too… but I’ve learned that I’m the only one that has the power to keep the bullshit at bay. I have done my time in Purgatory and now stand patiently for my turn in Heaven.

Each hour wasted on a painful, negative relationship with another human being (that likely doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you ANYWAY) is sixty minutes of happiness lost FOREVER. Life is far too short to be plotting and scheming and bitching and complaining – we have new journeys to travel, new goals to attain! So why chain yourself to past imperfect? Healing is in and of itself a journey that is not always pleasant, but one has to start somewhere. Start in the mirror. Own what's yours and burn the rest.

Until we each begin to recognize the harbor of bullshit in which we personally drop anchor, and then set sail upon a conscious path to clearer waters, we have no one but ourselves to blame for the majority of circumstances which befall us.