The Secrets We Keep

(originally posted May, 2006)

It’s funny that even in this world of six billion or so people in which we all must co-exist, that there are so many things that affect us individually so deeply that we feel we have to hide in order to survive.

When I blog about fat issues, I’m talking purely from a standpoint of experience. I’m fat, and it’s no secret that I’m fat. I know what kind of problems it causes in terms of long-term health, increased medical costs, and so on and so forth. However, a couple of days ago, I got a glimpse into the other side. A coworker of mine shared with me in regards to another person in our office. She’s struggling terribly with anorexia nervosa. The conversation struck me because I’d noticed when I saw this person Friday leaving work, I thought she was looking unusually thin, but wouldn’t have thought to speak a word of it to her. I said a short prayer for her and just hoped she was okay. She told me she’s leaving us for a while to get some treatment and I thank God that I work in a place that cares enough to try and help an employee that needs it.

I rarely pause to think about the “problems” that a thin woman might have – but I can’t imagine the hell that people with this issue live with. You have to eat to live, but in order to stay in control you avoid food and exercise yourself into nothing? That concept is hard for me to wrap my mind around because frankly I’m not that disciplined, and that’s not even REMOTELY an attempt at humor.
I have another friend who struggled with anorexia and bulimia for years. To listen to her, she would say she’s still struggling, and she always reminds people that just because she’s of normal weight now doesn’t mean that she doesn’t obsess over every bite, every calorie. The only thing that keeps her straight is remembering the damage she’s already done to her internal organs, and not wanting to die.

I have secrets too (who among us doesn’t). For the last two days I’ve been a hair’s breadth away from tears. All I will say is that I miss my little girl and I hope I get a chance to talk to her before too much more time goes by.

It’s so easy to covet another’s life. We think that things would be better if we made more money, lived in a bigger or nicer house, drove a fancier car, got married, had kids, etc. etc. etc. It just goes to show that we all have our crosses to bear.

Sometimes we forget that behind each face we see every day, there is a story. Not all of those stories have happy endings, and I think the responsibility is incumbent upon each and every one of us to be a little more of our brother or sister’s keeper, or even judge each other less harshly. You never know what private hell someone is living in, and you just might have the words that keep them going just one more day.

J. … here’s to a speedy recovery. This place won’t be the same without you.